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You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.