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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat