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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
Condoms prevent minivans.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
I think I may be getting harder to love.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.