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“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
The pizza guy just said "see u tomorrow" ...
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.