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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)