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once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
I have reliable inside information about Apple`s next product. I will not be able to afford it.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...