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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.