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You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)