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I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
I`m perfect you adjust.
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.