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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.