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When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!