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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.