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Which wine goes best with more wine?
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.