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Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.