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A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Oh no. I thought of a brilliant status to update while taking bath but by the time I got back to my phone I forgot it. This is why I hate taking a bath.
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.