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Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.