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I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
Iām probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
I need a new bad decision.
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.