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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
I lent my girlfriend ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now she left me and I don’t know what she looks like.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.