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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
A group of toddlers is called a migraine
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?