Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.