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I like the part of the day when food happens.
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.