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My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
Doormats are a gateway rug.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.