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I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that’s my Dad for ya.
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.