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Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.