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I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers