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Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!