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Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake