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Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
How many V and M can see
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Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"