Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.