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I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
"Are you even listening to me?" is a weird way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars