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I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.