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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.