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Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave