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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?