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Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
The pizza guy just said "see u tomorrow" ...
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
Just once, I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f*ck..."