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Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
"Woo, I`m on a roll today, baby!" -butter
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.