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Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.