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"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
For Christmas I just want summer...
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her
I play hard to get along with.