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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.