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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
Will be drunk until further notice.
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw