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I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.