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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.