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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.