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Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.