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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?