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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that sh!t.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson