Daily Silly Status

Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone

I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.

They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.

I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.

I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.

F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.

Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.

I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!

Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government

The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.

Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.

Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)

My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?

I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards