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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch