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Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....