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eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out Iām not fat. Iām a panda.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
Netflix would be by far the best dating site. "Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Pokemon for 12 straight hrs"
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.