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"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.