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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
SOCIAL WORKER: cop without a gun, judge without a gavel.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.