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I wish I had a friend like me
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!