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Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.