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My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.