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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.