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Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means Iām not the only one asking google stupid questions.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)