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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
Maybe there`s no such thing as automatic doors, just gentlemen ninjas.
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)