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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.