Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.