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The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.