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My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets